Lexy’s Journey to 130

Day 6 has been a total bust.

I had dinner out with my family today, but you know what, that’s okay. It’s a lifestyle change, not a short term diet. And to be honest, I was just thinking, I’ll be missing times like these in Canada so I don’t want to miss out on them right now. As much as I can, I want to make sure I make the most out of moments and dinners spent with my family. So while I make sure to stick to my diet six days of the week, Sundays are okay if we’re eating out. Only if we’re eating out. Otherwise, I can always cook in. The other days of the week are reserved for being strict and healthy.

I was looking at myself in the mirror awhile ago, the way I walk and move, and this body really isn’t the body of a teenager’s anymore. I’m aging. I look older. While there is beauty and grace in such, I want to make sure I’m as healthy as possible and this means exercising and doing my best to regain my youth. Which is why losing weight is important, because losing pounds equates to losing years off my body. To looking youthful again. Even with the way I move. I do not like that I don’t have collarbones, that I have a thick chest; that I move like I’m older than 30. I need to get to 128 before I get to Canada; I need to give myself my best shot for my new life.

Back to the program- that makes me feel so good. After eating all of that to be honest, it didn’t even feel worth it. I enjoyed the moments with my family, but the feeling afterwards from all that food; I knew I would have been even more satisfied have I had my shake and ate some veggies. Because honestly, that’s what feels good. And I want to make sure I do that most of the time; even if it’s not perfect; even if on Sundays my family wants to do something together; at least 6 days out of the week, and on the 7th day still with two shakes, that’s still a lifestyle I’d be willing to live. That’s still healthy and balanced and good. So it’s back to the program tomorrow; back to the shakes; back to my healthy lifestyle. I’m going to start yoga soon- for my back, and for this body that needs more life. I need to move.

Day five already? That was quick.

I’m still loving this. It satisfies me to my core, enjoying what’s entering my body, feeling satiated enough; knowing that I made it through another day.

But it’s not about making it through but enjoyment. Loving this new lifestyle because it’s true what Donald said, this isn’t about a diet but a lifestyle change. And my goal is to embrace this change and love it as much as I can.

It’s crazy but now that I think about it, I only have five months left to consume Opti. I will not be having these products in Canada. It makes me feel like I’ll miss it, which then makes me kind of sad. I want to enjoy it as much as I can while I’m here.

Here’s another reason to stay on the journey- to make the most out of it before I leave. Because God knows, I love this lifestyle. I love this journey.

Sometimes I still feel insecure- what if I get to a point where I’m skinny but I have bad skin? 😦 Eh, I can only do my best. I’m so excited for what’s to come. I have to do this. I have to prove to myself and my dad I can survive in Canada- that I can be disciplined, work hard, and put enough effort to succeed. I have to push until I get to goal. It should be known that I can make it. It starts here; Now.

Dear Diary,

Today is day one. And it’s more than halfway done. Two shakes down; carrots and zucchini eaten and enjoyed. Trying to love this body that I own. This body that was gifted to me.

Sometimes I wonder how I could have ever left this lifestyle, when in truth it feels good to not stuff myself for once. To eat things I know my body will thank me for. To drink water because my body needs it. To save money from daily deliveries to eating well and feeling well.

Because the truth is, nothing tastes as good as healthy feels. I know this, and I witness this every time I start again. I love this lifestyle.

Canada is coming soon and I’m excited for what’s to come. I’m excited for those moments- where I finally feel alive, and I feel good in my own skin. The seconds that take my breath away.

I don’t know if Tony is my future; all I know is I love growing from the people around me. I learn a lesson from each one and I take that to heart.

Yes, I’ll be alright.

My biggest fear is getting closer to where I started all over again. Being back at that big number. Being ashamed and halting life because I didn’t feel good in my own skin. Staying in, not living but dying.

With the way I’ve been eating recently, this is what it feels like- I’m too afraid to do a starting weigh-in; the shame will be unbearable once more; I am back to old habits- daily ordering, junk entering my body without processing, letting food succumb me. This is the disgusting kind of Lexy. The Lexy I never wanted to be.

Beginning today should have been the objective, but I failed due to lack of preparation. Tomorrow we begin truly, and there is nothing but to simply do it. No overthinking it; just consume Opti the same way you’ve been consuming junk food. You take that leap.

Canada is coming so so soon, this is all the time you have. You will not go to Canada feeling this way. You will not be ashamed to go out and live your life, and have photos taken of yourself in beautiful places. You’ve got exactly five months. Three months of intensive, to get to your best desired weight; then one month of active two, and another month of active one. You begin maintenance when you fly. And you’ll work out and walk like hell. Start walking now. Build your endurance and resistance. Grow through this journey and get ready for what’s to come.

Let your near future inspire you. Leap, Lexy. Shed your old skin and build this new one. Build your dream.

July 15- day one all over again.

Day ones always seem to be so magnificent; the start of a new dawn. The beginning of everything beautiful, bright, and good. The fresh cover of a book; the first unopened page.

I have found myself in more day ones than I can count; 99% due to grace. A significant part also due to human nature. This doesn’t mean it’s excusable- just that resilience still lives. Along with stubborness.

But Canada is five quick months away.

This is me procrastinating like always- this is the time left of what I have. I cannot waste any more. The past is all gone and used. All I have is what’s in front of me. Five months of resilience and strength and quietness. Five months of building my character. Five months of preparing for what is yet to come.

So we start again, day one. July 15th.

End one: October 7th.

Take each day as day one. Take each day as the beginning. Take each day as magnificent.

All you can do is start. Every day; every meal. Begin.